So...I figured since I "own" this blog, I should probably come back and start, you know, blogging or something.
I'll admit, almost everything I've done with the interwebs since about 2008 has had an undertone of trying to find a way to make money with it. Well, I've come to terms with the fact that CLEARLY that's not ever going to happen with my blog...or, as it turns out, anything I have tried to do on the interwebs since 2008. So, instead of using my blog as a means to an end, I am going to use my blog for its original intended purpose. To, you know, blog about stuff.
Anyway, so I've been on hiatus from blogging for a while. You may have noticed...all four of you. To say I've been busy would be the understatement of the century. I moved into my in-laws' basement with Ryan and the boys. We've been "happily" camped down here for a year and a half now, just about. It will be another good, solid year before we're ready to buy a house of our own, but it feels like it's a decade away. I'm almost positive something is going to happen to set us back, because it always does. Right when things start to feel easy, the powers that be decide to dump a bucket of Jesus-H-Christ-Life-Sucks on you, and you have to work through it before you can move forward again.
How's that for optimism?
I've also started a new job. Well, I say job...and that's misleading. Job implies that you get to go home at the end of the day and not be working. This is a career (yay!), which means that I am required to BE my job. All day, every day. I am thrilled to finally be doing what I've been working toward - though, truthfully, I know in my heart that I would still rather be acting than anything else in the world - but a girl's gotta eat. And so does a girl's family, funnily enough. So, for all intents and purposes, this career is what I want to be doing. And it's fun! Well, it can be fun, when I'm not stressed out of my mind and so busy I can barely think straight.
No, it is fun. When I'm able to dig out from the mountain of work and delve into the creative side, take all the puzzle pieces and put them together into a plan of my own creation, it's incredibly fun. But, oh my God is it stressful sometimes. In a good way, if that makes any sense.
I've also kind-of-sort-of started working on my novel again. I can't guarantee it will go anywhere good anytime soon, but I'm writing. That's a start. It's all I can ask for. One day, I'll finish it. I hope it's sooner rather than later, and I hope it's as good as I'm imagining it can be. I did a Kickstarter for it, mostly as motivation for myself to write the damned thing. We'll see how motivating it really is...
I feel like this blog is basically documented proof that I never finish anything I start. Going to school to be a teacher? Nope, failed out. Apparently online courses are hard for those of us that need external accountability. Writing a book? Meh, maybe someday. Buying a house? Sure, once I get my shit together and finally conquer my student loans.
I've got "learn Italian" on my bucket list, too. I have every intention of doing this. Someday.
See? Complete and utter failure at life.
Oh, well.
So, I can't guarantee my blog updates will be frequent or regular. What will probably happen is I'll get into a groove where I blog like three times a day, and then you don't hear from me for months. That's pretty much my method.
I hope you didn't give up on me after all these months. I'm still around. Still kicking. Still cynical as ever...just incredibly tired all the time and bitter that things aren't easier. But, I know they'll get easier. Someday.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Zombies = Love. True story.
I have the best kids. I hate to break it to you, because you probably think your kids are pretty great, but mine are the best. Proof? Ethan made me a Valentine's Day card. On the front were his painstakingly drawn letters spelling out the heart-squeezing "I Love You." When I asked what else he had drawn on my card, he pointed out the zombies, ghosts, green ghost, black night ghost, and zombie ghost that he'd drawn on the front for me. Because he loves me. Suck it.
I'll bet your kid didn't make you a card with a zombie ghost on it. Or a person with a cut-out heart for a head (not pictured). That's talent.
Seriously, though, seeing those little figures on the front of the card made my heart swell for so many reasons. First, because he made me laugh, obviously. (And it's more special than any card you could buy at the store because it was just so....Ethan. It didn't surprise me at all, which was part of its awesomeness.) But also because he's growing up, and this is proof. And it's proof of EXACTLY who my little boy is growing up to be. He's growing up to be AWESOME.
Today marked the day that I stop worrying about whether I'm doing everything right as a parent. (I'll resume that tomorrow.) Clearly, I'm raising a creative, thoughtful, funny little boy who is doing just fine thankyouverymuch. He may not write as well as some of his peers, he may not be reading yet, or speaking three languages (JESUS, Abby, way to show everyone up!) But, he's going to be just fine. And I'm so proud of him.
*Logan also made me a card, which was adorable and perfect. And also smelled really yummy - thank you Crayola Fun-Scents (or whatever the hell you're called). It was not overshadowed by his brother's card, by any means. In fact, it was a beautiful peek into his bright, creative, wonderful future as well.*
Happy Valentine's Day
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| See? Clearly an art prodigy. |
I have the best kids. I hate to break it to you, because you probably think your kids are pretty great, but mine are the best. Proof? Ethan made me a Valentine's Day card. On the front were his painstakingly drawn letters spelling out the heart-squeezing "I Love You." When I asked what else he had drawn on my card, he pointed out the zombies, ghosts, green ghost, black night ghost, and zombie ghost that he'd drawn on the front for me. Because he loves me. Suck it.
I'll bet your kid didn't make you a card with a zombie ghost on it. Or a person with a cut-out heart for a head (not pictured). That's talent.
Seriously, though, seeing those little figures on the front of the card made my heart swell for so many reasons. First, because he made me laugh, obviously. (And it's more special than any card you could buy at the store because it was just so....Ethan. It didn't surprise me at all, which was part of its awesomeness.) But also because he's growing up, and this is proof. And it's proof of EXACTLY who my little boy is growing up to be. He's growing up to be AWESOME.
Today marked the day that I stop worrying about whether I'm doing everything right as a parent. (I'll resume that tomorrow.) Clearly, I'm raising a creative, thoughtful, funny little boy who is doing just fine thankyouverymuch. He may not write as well as some of his peers, he may not be reading yet, or speaking three languages (JESUS, Abby, way to show everyone up!) But, he's going to be just fine. And I'm so proud of him.
*Logan also made me a card, which was adorable and perfect. And also smelled really yummy - thank you Crayola Fun-Scents (or whatever the hell you're called). It was not overshadowed by his brother's card, by any means. In fact, it was a beautiful peek into his bright, creative, wonderful future as well.*
Happy Valentine's Day
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Time
I need some time. Today has been....bad. I'm in a pretty bad place right now, emotionally.
So, it may be a while before I blog again. I honestly just don't have it in me right now.
So, it may be a while before I blog again. I honestly just don't have it in me right now.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
We are here.
Recently, we made a very difficult decision. We packed up our things and moved our family of 4 into the basement of my in-laws house for an indefinite amount of time. I say "indefinite" because the timeline is completely dependent upon us paying off my student loans and saving up a decent downpayment for a house of our own.
Those of you that know us know that we have been on a financial roller-coaster since 2008. Moving to Hays was, by and large, one of the worst decisions we've ever made. However, I didn't have a job, and Ryan was offered a position that payed slightly more than he was making - and it used his degree, which was kind of important - so we went. We went without doing the math. Without realizing that his salary was not going to cover all of our bills and expenses. I tried to supplement our income in several ways - starting my own advertising business (I had a grand total of 2 clients, who were both related to me), working from home (which actually worked very well except for the software updates that left me unable to actually....work), and then finally working at Dillons. However, we still never made enough to actually support ourselves - with student loans, credit card debt (which kept racking up because we didn't have enough for food, and didn't qualify for assistance because we made too much), and all the other "things" that kept popping up. And my endeavors in freelancing and entrepreneurship cost money that we didn't have as well. All in all, it was a difficult couple of years in Hays, to say the least. We also had a baby to take care of during that time and, of course, conceived and delivered our second child while we were there as well.
In retrospect, we know we should have waited until we had our schmidt together before we had babies. But we can't give them back, they're here now, and I wouldn't trade them for anything. So, crappy decisions aside, we had a family to support and were unable to do so.
Thankfully, Ryan was offered his position in Hutch, and we were able to move here. The house I chose for us to rent was, literally, the best thing we could afford. And $700 a month for that heap of garbage was certainly not a fair price, but that's Hutch for ya.
Anyway, we have been doing fine for 2 years. We can pay our bills, have cable, buy the occasional extra. We thought we'd be golden when I got the job at SRS and started making double what I was earning at Dillons - but then MY student loans kicked in, and we really didn't gain any ground. The problem is not that we were struggling, because we weren't. Yes, we have some credit card debt - not much - and yes we've had to watch our spending, but we've been pretty much ok since we moved to Hutch. The issue we finally had to come to terms with was that we had no end to being "just ok" in sight. Unless one of us started earning substantially more, we were only ever going to be "ok." We had no savings and no way to move forward.
We finally decided that if we ever wanted a home of our own, retirement savings, college savings for the kids, or even more kids, we had to get rid of my student loans. And the best case scenario we were facing was paying them off at the same rate for 20 years until they could be forgiven. Not exactly ideal. So, the solution we came up with was that we would suck it up, make some sacrifices, and move into Ryan's parents house so we could be spending our salaries solely on paying off my student loans. I have close to $47,000 to pay off, and we're looking at it taking us about 2 years. I'm looking for at-home jobs that I can do after work, or just better full-time jobs so that I can earn more and pay them off quicker. Ryan is looking for extra work as well.
We are lucky that we have such wonderful families that this is an option. I know that there are parents out there that wouldn't do this for their kids - move their whole lives around to fit a family of 4 into their basement. My parents and Ryan's parents were both willing to do that for us, but since our lives are here, Ryan's parents get the *cough* privilege of undertaking the task.
They've been wonderful, and we now have a cozy little space to live in with no rent, utilities, or food bills for the next year or two. We are finally on track to giving our family a future, and though it was heartbreaking to leave our home and the memories there (even though it was a heap of garbage where the sewer backed up into the backyard every few months, mice and snakes and spiders kept trying to overtake the place, and the carpet looked like someone died on it - it was still the place where Logan learned to crawl, walk, and talk and Ethan learned to ride a tricycle, catch a ball, shoot a basket, write his name...), it was the smartest decision we've made since we got married.
So, that's where we are now. As I've alluded in previous posts, it's going to be a tough couple of years, but it will be worth it when it's all over. And it better be, because the next time we move, I'm going to burn every cardboard box that has ever existed.
Those of you that know us know that we have been on a financial roller-coaster since 2008. Moving to Hays was, by and large, one of the worst decisions we've ever made. However, I didn't have a job, and Ryan was offered a position that payed slightly more than he was making - and it used his degree, which was kind of important - so we went. We went without doing the math. Without realizing that his salary was not going to cover all of our bills and expenses. I tried to supplement our income in several ways - starting my own advertising business (I had a grand total of 2 clients, who were both related to me), working from home (which actually worked very well except for the software updates that left me unable to actually....work), and then finally working at Dillons. However, we still never made enough to actually support ourselves - with student loans, credit card debt (which kept racking up because we didn't have enough for food, and didn't qualify for assistance because we made too much), and all the other "things" that kept popping up. And my endeavors in freelancing and entrepreneurship cost money that we didn't have as well. All in all, it was a difficult couple of years in Hays, to say the least. We also had a baby to take care of during that time and, of course, conceived and delivered our second child while we were there as well.
In retrospect, we know we should have waited until we had our schmidt together before we had babies. But we can't give them back, they're here now, and I wouldn't trade them for anything. So, crappy decisions aside, we had a family to support and were unable to do so.
Thankfully, Ryan was offered his position in Hutch, and we were able to move here. The house I chose for us to rent was, literally, the best thing we could afford. And $700 a month for that heap of garbage was certainly not a fair price, but that's Hutch for ya.
Anyway, we have been doing fine for 2 years. We can pay our bills, have cable, buy the occasional extra. We thought we'd be golden when I got the job at SRS and started making double what I was earning at Dillons - but then MY student loans kicked in, and we really didn't gain any ground. The problem is not that we were struggling, because we weren't. Yes, we have some credit card debt - not much - and yes we've had to watch our spending, but we've been pretty much ok since we moved to Hutch. The issue we finally had to come to terms with was that we had no end to being "just ok" in sight. Unless one of us started earning substantially more, we were only ever going to be "ok." We had no savings and no way to move forward.
We finally decided that if we ever wanted a home of our own, retirement savings, college savings for the kids, or even more kids, we had to get rid of my student loans. And the best case scenario we were facing was paying them off at the same rate for 20 years until they could be forgiven. Not exactly ideal. So, the solution we came up with was that we would suck it up, make some sacrifices, and move into Ryan's parents house so we could be spending our salaries solely on paying off my student loans. I have close to $47,000 to pay off, and we're looking at it taking us about 2 years. I'm looking for at-home jobs that I can do after work, or just better full-time jobs so that I can earn more and pay them off quicker. Ryan is looking for extra work as well.
We are lucky that we have such wonderful families that this is an option. I know that there are parents out there that wouldn't do this for their kids - move their whole lives around to fit a family of 4 into their basement. My parents and Ryan's parents were both willing to do that for us, but since our lives are here, Ryan's parents get the *cough* privilege of undertaking the task.
They've been wonderful, and we now have a cozy little space to live in with no rent, utilities, or food bills for the next year or two. We are finally on track to giving our family a future, and though it was heartbreaking to leave our home and the memories there (even though it was a heap of garbage where the sewer backed up into the backyard every few months, mice and snakes and spiders kept trying to overtake the place, and the carpet looked like someone died on it - it was still the place where Logan learned to crawl, walk, and talk and Ethan learned to ride a tricycle, catch a ball, shoot a basket, write his name...), it was the smartest decision we've made since we got married.
So, that's where we are now. As I've alluded in previous posts, it's going to be a tough couple of years, but it will be worth it when it's all over. And it better be, because the next time we move, I'm going to burn every cardboard box that has ever existed.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Yearly Recap: 2011
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| My scanner was dying, hence the line through our heads...and neither boy was into the whole picture thing. Oh well. |
Feel free to steal this and use it for your own blog, notes, whatever. Link it to me so I can read yours. And you guys are allowed to "follow" my blog. I don't mind seeing your pictures over on the left, you know. :)
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Networked with some local businesses to create work experience opportunities for clients, switched day cares - twice (and I'm still not happy with it...come back to me Jill!!!), became the mother of a preschooler, watched my boys turn 4 and 2, started a blog I actually intend to keep up with, started and quit a home business, bought the necessary ingredients for a second job (though I haven't actually followed through with it yet), started freelance writing (still in the very beginning stages of this), dyed my hair three different colors - including some purple, drove to Cincinnati and back.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year. I do have some doozies for this year, though, and I have every intention of keeping them.
*Lose 40 lbs - this one seems a little unrealistic, but I'm tired of feeling out of shape and looking like crap.
*Get completely, 100% out of debt - including the $50,000+ we have in student loans. I can't be spending $800 a month on these for the next 20 years. So, every spare red cent we earn this year is going to this. I'm truly hoping life works out in such a way that we can actually pay this whole debt off this year, but if it takes longer, then it takes longer.
*Remember how to be a Mom - I truly believe I was not meant to be a part-time Mom. I find it incredibly hard to calmly, lovingly, parent my children when I've been at work all day. I'm just not used to them anymore. When you're home with your kids all the time, you understand them, you have more patience with them. I get a couple hours a day with them, and I feel like I've completely forgotten how to be a Mom. Since I'm not winning the lottery anytime soon, I have to work (see above), which means I need to figure out how to make the part-time-Mom thing work so I don't go to bed hating myself every night. My kids deserve so much better than what I give them, and I deserve the chance to be the Mommy I WANT to be.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A few friends had babies, but no family members this year. My brother and sister-in-law will be adding to their family next June, though, so I will gain a niece or nephew in 2012.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, I've been very blessed not to have lost many family members up to this point in my life. I didn't lose any loved ones in 2011.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. Though we did get as far as Cincinnati.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Peace of mind.
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 29 - not only was it Logan's 2nd birthday, it was Ethan's 1st day of preschool. A huge new chapter in our lives has begun with the start of school. December 24 - Ethan turned 4, and it was just a great day all around.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I honestly don't feel like I achieved much this year.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I yell at Ethan too much, and I forget that he and Logan are just kids sometimes. That's my biggest failure, though I know I have many others.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Got my yearly cough, and it lasted a little longer than usual, but nothing huge this year. Ethan is due to get sick tomorrow. He gets seriously ill every New Year's Eve, I'm not even kidding.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
The boys' bed. It's a humongous monster of a thing, but it's really neat. Oh and the shelves/table/chairs in the playroom. They're super cute - and handy!
12. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, utilities, cable, phones, preschool, daycare, gas, and food. Oh...and let's not forget student loans.
13. What did you get really excited about?
I'll say the most exciting thing we did this year was go to Cincinnati to visit my sister. Other than that, my mind is a blank.
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
"Friday" by Rebecca Black. God, it's so awful, and yet so addictive. It gets stuck in my head at the most random moments. Plus, the Stephen Colbert version pretty much perfected it. I don't listen to a lot of music, I'm afraid.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? I was still deluding myself at this point last year, so I was happier.
– thinner or fatter? Funnily enough I'm exactly the same weight I was last year.
– richer or poorer? The same, which is the problem.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I'd read more books, to be honest. And found more time to play with the kids.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas morning at home, afternoon driving, evening (and the following 2 days) at my parents' house.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
I stay true to Grey's Anatomy, I diligently watch Vampire Diaries, and fell in love with Game of Thrones and True Blood.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
I've got a whole stack somewhere that I'm pretty sure I read this year. I don't remember if I read Hunger Games for the first time this year or last year, but that's at the top of my list. I also started the Game of Thrones series, which is great.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
I honestly don't listen to a lot of music. I spent most of my radio time on NPR this year.
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
I think I lose some coolness points for this, but Breaking Dawn: Part 1, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Cars 2, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Gnomeo and Juliet, The King's Speech
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
We went to Wichita to use the $50 gift certificate to Wasabi Sushi Bar & Grill that I won...only to find it closed for business....then went to Bonefish Grill (ohmygodsogood) to use a different gift certificate instead. I turned 26 this year.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to work from home.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Try not to look like a complete idiot or total slob on any given day. This answer will likely be copy/pasted every year henceforth.
26. What kept you sane?
Little moments - Ethan cuddling with me on the couch, Logan voluntarily hugging me and saying "I wuf you Mommy", laughing with Ryan.
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Life isn't going to get better on its own.
Not enough bleach in the world...
I hate this house.
There, I said it.
Between the faulty electrical, the jerry-rigged pipes, the cracked tile, the "remodeled" kitchen, the peeling bathtub, the disgustingly stained carpet, the snakes, the mice, the brown recluse spiders, and the sewer backing up into our backyard once (or twice) every few months...I hate this house.
The sewer backed up once right after Ethan's birthday party (oh my God, my baby is 4 years old!!!) two weeks ago, and again yesterday. We've been gone for the better part of a week, so it's interesting to me that it could back up without us even being here. I guess we're just that talented. I'll spare you the gory details, but let's just say it has nothing to do with anything coming out of our house. Thanks, neighbors. I think I'll host a backyard-shoveling party for you all.
Top that off with two sick kiddos, and the week is just about perfect. Logan is at the front end of a very...wet...cold, and Ethan is at the tail end of it. So I can count on it hitting me right about Tuesday - when I go back to work. Such is life. I need to buy stock in Clorox.
Then we get to the life stuff. Ryan and I have been deluding ourselves for a couple of years, thinking we could get on top of things if only this or if we only did that. The fact of the matter is, we can't. In our current situation, we will never be able to afford a house - not one we want to live in, anyway - or replace a car, or put money into savings for the boys or ourselves, or go on vacation, or get far enough out of debt to stop worrying. So, we have some very difficult decisions ahead of us, and regardless of which way our path turns, it is probably going to be one of the most trying years of our lives. However, we have been kidding ourselves for too long, and the time for pride has ended. We have to do what is best for our children, for our family, and for our future. Truly, we're doing fine right now - I don't mean to be cryptic - but this is as good as we'll ever be able to do if we don't change things.
I can only pray that, regardless of the decisions we have to make, we will have love and support - rather than judgment and disappointment - from our family and friends. I truly hope we will, but I'm never sure of these things, and so for now I will only hope.
There, I said it.
Between the faulty electrical, the jerry-rigged pipes, the cracked tile, the "remodeled" kitchen, the peeling bathtub, the disgustingly stained carpet, the snakes, the mice, the brown recluse spiders, and the sewer backing up into our backyard once (or twice) every few months...I hate this house.
The sewer backed up once right after Ethan's birthday party (oh my God, my baby is 4 years old!!!) two weeks ago, and again yesterday. We've been gone for the better part of a week, so it's interesting to me that it could back up without us even being here. I guess we're just that talented. I'll spare you the gory details, but let's just say it has nothing to do with anything coming out of our house. Thanks, neighbors. I think I'll host a backyard-shoveling party for you all.
Top that off with two sick kiddos, and the week is just about perfect. Logan is at the front end of a very...wet...cold, and Ethan is at the tail end of it. So I can count on it hitting me right about Tuesday - when I go back to work. Such is life. I need to buy stock in Clorox.
Then we get to the life stuff. Ryan and I have been deluding ourselves for a couple of years, thinking we could get on top of things if only this or if we only did that. The fact of the matter is, we can't. In our current situation, we will never be able to afford a house - not one we want to live in, anyway - or replace a car, or put money into savings for the boys or ourselves, or go on vacation, or get far enough out of debt to stop worrying. So, we have some very difficult decisions ahead of us, and regardless of which way our path turns, it is probably going to be one of the most trying years of our lives. However, we have been kidding ourselves for too long, and the time for pride has ended. We have to do what is best for our children, for our family, and for our future. Truly, we're doing fine right now - I don't mean to be cryptic - but this is as good as we'll ever be able to do if we don't change things.
I can only pray that, regardless of the decisions we have to make, we will have love and support - rather than judgment and disappointment - from our family and friends. I truly hope we will, but I'm never sure of these things, and so for now I will only hope.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Unbreakable Bond...
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| It begins... |
Ethan: Logan cries when I hit him.
Terry: Why do you think he cries?
Ethan: Because he's a whiner.
Well, you can't fault him for telling the truth. Little bro is definitely a whiner. Of course, he's also 2. And you're hitting him. That may actually be the bigger issue here.
To be honest with you, they really do get along most of the time. Logan
I always wanted our kids to be close together in age, because I wanted them to be able to relate to each other. I wanted them to be able to play together. I wanted them to be friends. I'm 4 and 5 years younger than my sister and brother, respectively, and we honestly never had any kind of relationship (other than mild resentment and, obviously, the love that all siblings have because they have to). In fact, until I got married, I always felt like an afterthought to them. After all, I'm just the baby sister. Honestly, even now I feel like I'm not taken seriously - despite the fact that I AM married, have 2 children, hold a Master's degree, and am a successful, talented person in my own right. They never ask me for advice on things - but continue to lecture. I will always be their baby sister, and nothing else.
I never wanted my kids to feel like that. I wanted them to grow up feeling like they understood each other - that they could lean on EACH OTHER. I never want my kids to feel like they don't matter, or that nobody cares what they think. I especially don't want them to feel that way about their family.
So, we planned for our boys to be pretty close together. And they are. They're 20 months apart - which was just about perfect. They get along, they play at the same level, and they understand each other. I regret that we haven't been able to give them another sibling yet, because now the age gap will be there. Hopefully, when we are ready for another baby, they won't be too out of sync to get along and have a real relationship as siblings. We'll just have to hope.
I won't say it was easy having two babies so close together. It was a nightmare. I imagine it would have been a little easier if Logan wasn't such a problem child...but oh, we had issues with him. First, he had reflux - which wasn't diagnosed until he was 8 weeks old. Boy that was a fun 2 months. After the reflux, he just wanted to nurse. All. The. Time. We actually switched him to formula because he wouldn't do ANYTHING but nurse. Imagine trying to interact with your energetic toddler while having a squirmy infant permabonded to your nipple. Not easy. When we switched to formula he was much better about eating, but he still wanted to be held every minute of every day. I couldn't get dinner ready, I couldn't clean, I couldn't function - because he would scream himself into a choking, sobbing mess if I left him alone. As a result, I was stressed and irritated all the time, and Ethan was not immune that. Once we started solids - oh Jesus. That resulted in a food strike and epic nightly battle that is going on to this day, though we are making progress, finally. He didn't stop being a brain-melting challenge until he started walking - which I had to force him to do with trickery and Goldfish crackers. He screamed and cried through his first steps, I kid you not.
However, once we found our groove, once he was actually able to play with Ethan, it got SO much better. What these two have is so special, so strong, so wonderful to watch...I would endure that first year again, in a heartbeat.
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